Why some paternal grandmothers distance themselves from the bond with their grandchildren.
In many families, a painful and often unspoken situation unfolds: a paternal grandmother who once dreamed of sharing her grandchildren’s childhood ends up becoming an occasional presence or even a distant memory. There is rarely a single, obvious cause. Rather, the estrangement builds slowly, stemming from emotional dynamics, unconscious choices, and small omissions that, over time, create a significant distance.
From a depth psychology perspective, emotional bonds are understood not only as stemming from kinship, but also from consistent presence, emotional security, and shared experiences. When these foundations are not established from the outset, the relationship can weaken even without open conflict.
The weight of the maternal bond in the early years
During the first few months of life, a baby builds its emotional core around its primary caregiver. In most cases, the mother seeks support from her own mother, as she represents the protective model she learned in her own childhood.
In many families, a painful and often unspoken situation unfolds: a paternal grandmother who once dreamed of sharing her grandchildren’s childhood ends up becoming an occasional presence or even a distant memory. There is rarely a single, obvious cause. Rather, the estrangement builds slowly, stemming from emotional dynamics, unconscious choices, and small omissions that, over time, create a significant distance.
From a depth psychology perspective, emotional bonds are understood not only as stemming from kinship, but also from consistent presence, emotional security, and shared experiences. When these foundations are not established from the outset, the relationship can weaken even without open conflict.
The weight of the maternal bond in the early years
During the first few months of life, a baby builds its emotional core around its primary caregiver. In most cases, the mother seeks support from her own mother, as she represents the protective model she learned in her own childhood.
Thus, the maternal grandmother is often present during the most intimate moments: difficult nights, illnesses, questions about parenting, the child’s first milestones. This repeated presence creates a natural bond with the baby.
Meanwhile, the paternal grandmother, although she may want to help, often enters the picture later or in a more formal way. Her visits may depend on invitations or prior arrangements. Over time, this initial difference transforms into an emotional reality: one grandmother becomes part of the daily routine, and the other part of special events.
The role of the father and the invisible decisions
Another important factor is the father’s attitude. Many men, without meaning any harm, delegate family organization to their partner : visits, celebrations, decisions about support and contact with grandparents.
